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May 16, 2011

Penises! They’re everywhere! Once I saw a man who looked like Santa Claus sitting in a car on Broadway playing with his. It was a few weeks before Christmas, it’s nice to know that the holiday season permeates all aspects of life. On Saturday night I saw one at around 8 PM. I walked down the steps to get to the L train and there this short young man was, either finishing peeing or beginning a rather public self-love session.

Shut up Summer

I have an acquaintance who recently lost a lot of weight. When he was heavier, around the time that I first met him, he enjoyed getting naked in public and wiggling his penis around. Now that he does not look totally offensive naked, he saves all unsolicited penis-viewing for the drunk girls people he has sex with.

Click through for image source

Once I was not able to make it to a barbeque with some friends of mine. In retaliation (or just because it was funny) I was sent a picture of my friend’s boyfriend’s penis in a hot dog bun, covered with ketchup. Before I ever met this guy I had seen a video of him getting a cock piercing.

In response to the hot dog picture I sent a picture of my roommate’s boyfriend’s penis. I told the boys I got a stranger sitting near me in the bar to take a picture of his penis. Despite the bed sheets in the background they believed my story. The recipients of the photo warned me that I was a cute girl and the guy was trying to make himself look more impressive than he really was. I fielded many phone calls that night telling me not to go home with the made-up stranger in the bar.

click through for image source

A few months after we broke up my ex-boyfriend sent me a picture of his penis. This is only noteworthy because I said “lol send me your p3nis,” this is a stock penis pic that he sends to all girls, and his toilet takes up most of the picture. Immediately after receiving the MMS I forwarded it to my girl friends. When I am mad at Gordon Jackson I show him the picture, which is saved on my computer in the same folder as all the boob pictures that girls sent my ex when we were dating.

Do u want 2 c my coq? 

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. annon permalink
    May 16, 2011 9:59 am

    He still shakes his unsolicited penis all over the place. you just don’t live here anymore.

  2. L. Marston permalink
    May 18, 2011 11:15 pm

    I am pleased to be one of your girl friends.


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