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Why I Love New York.

March 31, 2011
Trump

photo by Gordon Jackson

This is the most over-written subject ever but I don’t care. I love New York and, sometimes, New York loves me.

  1. Sephora There are almost as many Sephoras in Manhattan as there are Starbucks. I take comfort in knowing that I need only walk a few blocks and I will be in makeup heaven. They don’t care that I will spend 45 minutes putting on a new face without purchasing anything. Everybody needs to get laid, and Sephora understands.
  2. Food that only costs $1 Look, I know the rent is too damn high but New York is actually kind of affordable. I once spent a week only buying $1 foods. There are $1 bagels at Starbucks (and if you go in with your old Starbucks cup a refill is only 56 cents), $1 slices of pizza at 2 Bros (and there’s that weird 99 cent Pizza place on sixth ave by Washington Square), $1 beef patties at any bodega in Brooklyn, and $1 hot dogs at the Sabrett cart across the street from my apartment. Carbo-loading is totally okay if you’re walking as much as someone who can only spend $1 on their meals.
  3. Old People The day Elizabeth Taylor died I got a crepe on MacDougal St. At the creperie I met a woman who used to do hair for the Maury Show. She used to do hair for Maury Show. We discussed Maury, Elizabeth’s love life, and she complimented me on my up-do.¬†Old people in New York are amazing. They have been in the city for too long and something from the subways and the polluted air and the nuclear waste gets into their brains and they become the most amazing people in the entire world. They have no qualms flagging you on the street to tell you that you shouldn’t be living in Brooklyn because you are too pretty. They are unabashed, they are tough, and they are wonderful.
  4. People from Manhattan live longer
  5. Unlike DC, we can eat/drink on the subway Food is the most important thing in my life. If I could not eat an apple and drink my coffee while riding the train in the morning, I would call all of you. Apparently Bloomberg is looking into getting diner cars this is most likely bullshit. For now, I am happy with eating steak frites on my lap.
  6. Accessibility to booze I have been drinking in bars in New York since I was 16. I have never had a fake id. I love you New York.
  7. On a sunny day, the city is magical This is an uncontested fact. I will be walking through the village semi-out of breath because of my pollution-induced asthma and suddenly a wave of intense happiness will hit me. Who cares about the guy I saw jerking off on Bowery? Or the mariachi band that lives next door to me? I live in the greatest world.

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